Do we choose our spouses?

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Do we choose our spouses?

Postby bhaktin carol » Sat Jan 16, 2010 1:16 am

Hare Krsna.
Do we choose our spouses? I ask because I was told once by a devotee that even if we think we are choosing by ourselves, or that parents are choosing..that actually spouse is chosen for us. Is everyone put in our lives? Does it have to do with our desires, or past karma?

thank you
bhaktin carol
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Re: Do we choose our spouses?

Postby gopinath » Mon Jan 18, 2010 9:57 am

One gets one's spouse according to one's desires and past karmas. What to speak of a spouse, anything in this world, that one receives, is because of one's past desires and past karmas.

As a matter of fact, If we take shelter of material nature (that is, hankering for anything material), then the material nature (or the inferior energy of the Lord) takes charge of our life and decides our destiny (this includes our spouse, job, education etc.). On the other hand, if we take shelter of Krishna (that is, hankering for service of Krishna), then Krishna personally takes charge of our life and arranges our life suitable for spiritualism. In both cases, we are not the controllers of what we obtain in our lives. However, we are free to desire, either material (Maya) or spiritual (Krishna). That is what free will is. We are free to will. We will reap the fruits according to our will (past or present).
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Re: Do we choose our spouses?

Postby npawar » Fri Feb 26, 2010 1:45 pm

Thank u prabhu for nice advice but please tell do we need to endavour to get spouse in material world as neophyte i have both material and spiritual desires so i am worrying whether it will give support me in future. i do have lusty desires so thats why i am marrying is it ok ? i tried to control lust but i couldn't so i want to go for grihstha ashram is it ok ? also i need materially average (she shouldn't have problem)wife so that i will not have frustration in future, is this good thinking ?
हरे कृष्ण हरे कृष्ण कृष्ण कृष्ण हरे हरे || हरे रामा हरे रामा रामा रामा हरे हरे||
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Re: Do we choose our spouses?

Postby gopinath » Wed Mar 03, 2010 3:31 pm

Thank you for being genuine and frank. It is always advisable to get married if one can not control lust. It is certainly bona fide. In fact, grihasthashram is created for the very purpose, that one who can not follow celibacy strictly, can gracefully enter this ashram where limited sense gratification is allowed. However, one who is spiritually aspirant should take up the responsibility of raising his children in Krishna consciousness and gradually give up sense gratification by engaging his whole family in devotional service.
As far as I have heard from authorities, while selecting a spouse, one is allowed to have material considerations as well (like beauty or health), as we are not on highly spiritual platform. However, one should carefully select a spouse who would assist him in progressing in Krishna consciousness. That will be the real success of grihasthashram.
I hope this answers your questions.
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Re: Do we choose our spouses?

Postby npawar » Thu Mar 04, 2010 1:41 pm

Thank you very much prabhu.
हरे कृष्ण हरे कृष्ण कृष्ण कृष्ण हरे हरे || हरे रामा हरे रामा रामा रामा हरे हरे||
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Re: Do we choose our spouses?

Postby Mahesh Kumar Gandhi » Fri Apr 23, 2010 11:44 pm

Hare Krishna Gopinath Prabhuji,
You also as all others mention - marry if you can not control your lust. Is it presumed here that marriage is done only for fulfilling lust and no other reasons. In my opinion if such was the case why Lord Shankar was coerced into marrying Parvati mata. He had no lust. He had burnt alive "Kamadev".
The topic of discussion is Do we choose our spouses ?
In my opinion and as far back our history goes it is being said : "Jodiyan to oopar se ban kar aati hain." Relatives and parents are simply the means of God acting like his hands for bringing the already decided "Jodies", couples together. We just give this couple a licence to live together and enter into gruhasthashram. And to in old days various "Rasma & Riwaz" were performed in Marriage. So that the bonding became so strong that Divorce rate was negligible. Wife was ready of her own desire to perform "Sati" on the death of her husband. But now all these are a thing of past. Nobody followsthose golden rules now and so are they suffering.
So it seems to me couples are being decided by Krsna according to our previous karma Prarabdha and desires.
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Re: Do we choose our spouses?

Postby gopinath » Tue Apr 27, 2010 4:07 pm

Thank you Mahesh prabhu for raising this important doubt.

As discussed earlier, it is advised that one who can not control lust, better he should get married. But the converse is not true. That is, it is wrong to say that those who get married can not control lust. There are examples of grihasthas in the past who have lived exemplified Vaishnava life. 7 out of 12 mahajans are grihasthas. So it should not be misunderstood that those who enter married life can not control senses and therefore they are entering married life. One example can be given. It is recommended that those who are affected by jaundice should drink sugarcane juice. But that does not mean that anyone who is drinking sugarcane juice is suffering from jaundice.

For your next query about "do we choose our spouse" please refer to my earlier post dated Jan 18, 2010, which is as follows,

One gets one's spouse according to one's desires and past karmas. What to speak of a spouse, anything in this world, that one receives, is because of one's past desires and past karmas.

As a matter of fact, If we take shelter of material nature (that is, hankering for anything material), then the material nature (or the inferior energy of the Lord) takes charge of our life and decides our destiny (this includes our spouse, job, education etc.). On the other hand, if we take shelter of Krishna (that is, hankering for service of Krishna), then Krishna personally takes charge of our life and arranges our life suitable for spiritualism. In both cases, we are not the controllers of what we obtain in our lives. However, we are free to desire, either material (Maya) or spiritual (Krishna). That is what free will is. We are free to will. We will reap the fruits according to our will (past or present).
gopinath
 
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Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2009 1:42 pm


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