Duties of Wife according to Shashtra

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Duties of Wife according to Shashtra

Postby krishna_love » Sat Jul 24, 2010 4:59 pm

Hare krishna.

I am very confused with one problem of my life.

I am married recently before few years. My husband is a very nice person but he only have one bad thing in him. He has very strong Lust desire when it is totally opposite for me. I have it very less. We both are practicing krishna conciousness however at basic level.

We face this problem of lust every now and then in our life. always when he wants to have fullfill his desire i don't feel to do so. Sometimes i do it by making up my mind and for his happiness. but sometimes i can not do so.

I am very disciplined person and always this activity of delays my defined timely tasks so, i feel bad about that.

In my view husband and wife should only do sense gratification when they both wants it to happen very love fully. if one of them don't feel good then they should not do.

However whenever i say no to him when he desires to do sense gratification. he doesn't do it forcefully but somehow i feel bad about that i am not able to satisfy my husband. and i feel that in my entire life i wont be able do completely satisfy him.

What should i do in that case?

what is recommended in Shastras?

We love each other, we both are good people and belongs to good families where krishna is worshiped so, we can not be depart. but at the same time I don't want my husband to remain unsatisfied with me always. So, what should i do from all of the below cases?

1) Should i allow him to do second marriage and i choose any other way to live my life alone? is it allowed in the Shastras?

2) OR should i anyhow try to satisfy him hoping that one day his desires will be fulfilled and surrender myself to him whenever he says?

3) OR should he try to control his senses and lessen desire of Lust, If yes then what are the steps to do it effectively? because up till now he is also struggling to control his senses but has not been succeed. He is also practicing Krishna Consciousness. But not completely sincerely.

I have never asked this kind of question in any forums. But i found this place when i can reveal my heart.

I will be very much thankful if some one from the enlightened souls can help me out in my problem.

Just for the information. we both chanting few rounds daily. and visiting temple regularly.

and can any one elaborate more about duties of wife according to Shashtras OR give any reference of book which has this information.

Hari Bol.
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Re: Duties of Wife according to Shashtra

Postby vgopikrishna » Wed Jul 28, 2010 11:59 am

[We sent this question to HG Ajamila Prabhu (disciple of Srila Prabhupada) and he graciously provided the below answer. We would like to thank HG Ajamila Prabhu for always taking his most valuable time out and providing detailed answers to the questions we send him. It means a lot to us to receive knowledge from Srila Prabhupada's disciples. -- Moderator]

Compatibility is a key factor in marriage. Two sudra devotees together will be happy in making progress from their level.

But if one devotee is very brahminical and the other much less so, or even like a suidra, then the incompatibility becomes unbearable and so they can't stay together.

So obviously the Mataji who wrote the below article is in a difficult situation of incompatibility. He wants sudra activity and she does not.

The solution? Depends upon other factors.

Do the couple have any children? If so, I would advise the wife to tolerate for the sake of the children, to give them a somewhat Krishna conscious family is better than nothing. If there are no children then the consideration of separating might be an option, but only after seeking good counselling from one's guru, or devotees able to give good sound counselling to both parties to bring them together in Krishna consciousness. The philosophy of Krishna consciousness teaches us to tolerate EVERYTHING and ANYTHING material for the sake of spiritual advancement.

Another factor is their personal horoscopes. It can happen, and I have seen it, that a devotee who is renounced today can go in the opposite direction when his/her planetary periods change tomorrow. For example, the woman in question may be more renounced than the man today but after some years the opposite can be true, particularly when a devotee enters Venus Maha-dasha which usually reminds a living entity of one's past * desires. Whereas Saturn reminds of us of our past renunciation of material desires, usually. This is a 'general' astrological rule which does not always apply but mostly it does to one degree or another. So another reason for the couple staying together is that when the planetary periods change the tolerance may get reversed, and he may have to tolerate her advances, and then it can balanced out in terms of tolerance.

Separation is a last resort. Where there is a will there is a way. But if one's partner severly disrupts one's devotional service then has to separate. But from what I've read the mataji's position is far from ideal but is tolerable. Practise tolerance and Krishna will gradually help change things for the better. Krishna can do anything.

If there are children involved then devotees MUST tolerate. In the long list of qualities associated with a devotee, as Krishna mentions in the Bhagavad-gita, the quality of titiksava or tolerance is at the TOP of the list. It is so important.

I hope this helps. Mataji and her husband together should try to get good devotee counselling from someone near them so that their progress can be monitored regularly.
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Re: Duties of Wife according to Shashtra

Postby npawar » Thu Aug 05, 2010 6:05 pm

Hare krishna,
pamho:agtsp;

Thanks H.G. Ajamila prabhu for answer.
I am trying to give answer
Q) We love each other, we both are good people and belongs to good families where krishna is worshiped so, we can not be depart. but at the same time I don't want my husband to remain unsatisfied with me always. So, what should i do from all of the below cases?
Answer: you know all philosophy you just apply needful, if your

1) Should i allow him to do second marriage and i choose any other way to live my life alone? is it allowed in the Shastras?
Answer: you still have to stay with him as first wife with second wife,as per shastra you should not leave husband home.

2) OR should i anyhow try to satisfy him hoping that one day his desires will be fulfilled and surrender myself to him whenever he says?
Answer: Yes, it is more appreciated by krishna, if he is following K.C. Process sincerely and have lusty desires it is considerable because it will reduce gradually.
anyway as a grahstha you both can associate once in month as initiated disciple.
grihstha ashram is more suitable for devotees who can't control lust.main thing that you should chant before association 50 rounds and if you folllow this gradually lust will decrease.



3) OR should he try to control his senses and lessen desire of Lust, If yes then what are the steps to do it effectively? because up till now he is also struggling to control his senses but has not been succeed. He is also practicing Krishna Consciousness. But not completely sincerely.
Answer:some technices are below
1. Krishna is door not ur husband , he is just desiring , if you are prayer are more intense krishna will listen to you, krishna can make your husband less intrested or some physical problem (but don't pray for seaperation like divorce)
2. as age progress lust decreaes as soon as you will have childrens he will loose intrest in you.
3. you can chant sincerely and produce more K.C. childrens then their future plannings,maintianance will capture his mind and not you.
4. ur husband is practising thats sufficient for krishna to take him back home back to godhead, husbands go out side , working , travelling environment affect their consciousness you should be sincere and pray for his progress.
5. Once your husband is attach to you then he will listen what you say, you can make him seat and chant 50 rounds easily.as he is demanding you also demand spritual things this is preaching ask him for more yatras,more house programs make him busy in a way he will not have time to remember about physical association
6. bodily pleasure is lowest pleasure give him pleasure on mind,intellegence & ego level.tell him to manage programs in big events, fund raising, preaching etc
7. K.C. means cooperation not contradiction.
8. If really loves you than your body he can control lust, association & diet also affects lust impulses.
i am sure he is good devotee you just give him time (may be till he goes back home back to godhead), he also loves you more than your body as you are together for last three years (Big Period).K.C. means cooperation,sacrifice.no one is perfect if he is lacking somewhere you also might lack in some other aspects of devotional life cooperate.
consult astrologer he can give some stone to control lust & anger.
हरे कृष्ण हरे कृष्ण कृष्ण कृष्ण हरे हरे || हरे रामा हरे रामा रामा रामा हरे हरे||
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